I cannot believe it - my boat has arrived

We have just been notified that our boat has arrived. We have been matched with a one year old princess. OMG, we cannot believe it. I am in shock. I cannot believe I am going to be a mummy. It is earlier days yet we don't have a date for panel, introductions or when we meet little one... but I and DH are so happy, I have cried with emotion
We just cannot believe it one step forward..

I have everything crossed my boat is here.....

The boat trip- author unknown

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go.

Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you, you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait... and wait... and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

For everyone waiting I hope your boat comes ...

Fall out

Since I last posted we have had two interviews, for two seperate little ones. The first interview was two weeks ago for a 1yr old and went well, in our eyes (but as yet no feedback).

The second interview (for a 2yr )last week was crap, it appears MR and MRS insensitive SS decided to start with the IVF scenario questions.

"Ie your last IVF was quite recent", yes almost two years since I last injected myself to the - i muttered a negative way, i really wanted to say something else but didn't.

"How and when did you decide to adopt was prior to IVF or after?", I almost died talk about opening up a bloody big wound. I HAVE MOVED ON AND NOW WANT TO ADOPT ARS*H%%%%!

There were loads of stupid parenting questions, which annoyed me, ie I don't have children yet but expect to take the good bits from my upbringing and parent a child the same way.

MR SS had the audacity to tell me parenting was a hard job, REALLY!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway after 3 hrs of pure dribble waste of time- in my eyes the interview was over.

Those IVF questions got my back up and I felt I was defending my reason for adopting. I think we lost that interview because I was so upset and angry, I couldn't be my self and was quite tense and told both SS's at various stages I didnt agree and they were basically talking bollocks.
During that interview we didn't receive one positive feedback about our parenting skills or were not complemented at all.

So it looks like Pandora box has been opened and I am so annoyed and angry with this process. This has nothing to do with a child being placed but with people ie SS being totally insensitive regarding other needs , having no empathy and playing GOD. They can keep the child, I am not interested if I have to kiss arse.

A friend of mine had suggested during the wait process I should venture into shops and browse and think about the nursery, ie stuff we need to buy. So far because I haven't had the confidence because I don't have a great big expanded tummy. Really I am unable to visit any shops and look at baby things because I feel like a great big fraud ie I am adopting, it is no longer becoming a positive thing as the process is so hard.
Also since this crazy interview last week, a deep cloud has descended on me and I worry will I ever be a mom.

The annoying thing is, I have no one else to talk to, all my friends are yummy mummy's.

Aplogs for the annoying post but I had to let of steam