I am still here

The last time I posted I was so happy I was going to be mother. The following day I was up bright and early and me and DH went to do the grocery shopping prior to hitting the shops for baby stuff. When we were in the Supermarket at the end of the aisle I saw a heavily pregnant lady but when I got closer I realised it was an old friend of mine who I had not seen for over 6yrs because we had lost contact.

On seeing each other we screamed, hugged and kissed and I touched her enormous stomach and said when are you due, she said two weeks and I am having a girl. She looked lovely, she was blooming. then she introduced me to her new gorgeous husband (been married one year ). She asked if we had any children, to which I replied no it didn't happen for us, but couldn't bring myself to discuss the adoption. I was so happy for her meeting her made me realise my journey to Austraila was on the boat not by plane.

After that I came home and wallowed in self pity for a week and was not very nice to DH. On reflection I think seeing my friend made me realise that no matter what Infertility would also be with me. I do not believe it will ever goes away. The whole experience numbed me a bit and in a way I also thought about us not having a biological child who wouldn't carry my genes. This pre adoption dark cloud stopped me in my tracks and I just couldn't look at baby things.. I think it was also the longing of having a baby and being a mother from day dot.

My dear SS boosted me by arranging for us to meet Princess carer. We met Princess FC two weeks ago, and she painted a rosy picture and brought Princess to life. She crawling, standing up and has a few pegs. Princes is adorable and a cutie. Her FC provided me with some photographs but Princess looked glum in all and it broke my heart seeing how sad and vulnerable, princess looked. The pictures hit a raw nerve in my heart and really upset me, since that meeting I have been so emotional.

At the meeting with the FC a few things came out nothing major but illustrated different parenting styles, ie when FC puts Princess to bed ,she turns the light off and leaves princess to play. There was mention of kissing her goodnight, reading a story etc, the things I know I will do.

The following morning after the meeting I was late for work because I couldn't get myself together I was crying with emotion, I just couldn't stop the tears. (I never cry ), I think it may be seeing her pics it has made the process so real.

My SW has confirmed she should be home by her early Dec 09. I am so excited and have been jumping for joy.and brought a Xmas outfit. I have provided work with notice I leave in three weeks and half week.. Panic, panic. It feels so strange, as my friends all said your career is over !!

We have to go Panel to be matched which is another step .... Ie Adoptive parent does HS, then gets approved, Child is approved to be adopted. parents found and child and Adoptive parent matched and approved..

Anyway since our good news and me emerging from my pre adoption dark cloud, a few people have peeded me off..

ie one person liken our adoption to when they adopted their dog. I calmly said "you are being insensitive and Adoption is much more"

Another twit said "Have you noticed that you adopt the baby grows to look like you, like having a dog"

Another arse who has two birth children said " you will hate it, you will never cope with a little one it is so hard"

Another "You must ... we did"

Another " I do not think you should ... "


The list goes on and on .... Arses.... !

But on the other hand, the majority of my friends and family have cried with Joy on hearing the news and have been congratulating us and rushing out to buy things. Even my father has asked about cots, pushchairs etc and is so excited to meet her.

On the whole I am extremely happy but DH is getting overwhelmed and this morning said "can we stop talking about adoption it is driving me mad". I was naughty and said " stop being jealous over a child" a result a war of words has started in the household.....and we need to talk asap.

I am a very vocal person and when happy talk, when I am sad talk but maybe DH is also overwhelmed with the whole process and does not have an outlet..

No doubt when he gets home we need to talk and make peace. I have been considerate and asked him every step of the way, are you sure you want to proceed...

Will keep you posted of events